For the first time in many months, I've had some "down time", actually just a couple days of it, but they've been shaking my world. Who am I to pretend I'm OK? You know, even though down time is considered healthy and important, I've been afraid of it. The truth is: I haven't wanted to slow down enough to be still. Still can be overwhelming when you're just not ready to accept or hear what there is out there for you.
Secret: Sometimes even when I'm the toughest, I have to dig pretty deep to find my courage and energy for another day. The therapist in me is sure this is the product of the events of my life in the last month and like all things hard, will pass. The day to day of it though, sitting right here in the middle, at times seems impassable.
Let it be known, and let it be written: I'm putting off being still. Tomorrow work will follow, I'll get caught up in my other responsibilites, and I'll do my best to find some other form of a diversion. Like most of us out there, I'm quite competent of filling my days with stuff. Important stuff even. Anything to avoid being still.
But then there's the other side of the story... the essential need to work. To stay sane, I have to work and be busy and contribute to the Gross National Product. (which by the way, the GNP's not doing that great lately...) I love the calmness that comes to me while working. Being engaged in something other than my racing thoughts. And there is so much work to be done: employment, responsibilities, church, family, friends, etc... Thank Heaven for work. I need work. I'm happy and content and with all eagerness embrace work; yet tonight, today, right now, it's time to be still. So still I am.
Secret: Sometimes even when I'm the toughest, I have to dig pretty deep to find my courage and energy for another day. The therapist in me is sure this is the product of the events of my life in the last month and like all things hard, will pass. The day to day of it though, sitting right here in the middle, at times seems impassable.
Let it be known, and let it be written: I'm putting off being still. Tomorrow work will follow, I'll get caught up in my other responsibilites, and I'll do my best to find some other form of a diversion. Like most of us out there, I'm quite competent of filling my days with stuff. Important stuff even. Anything to avoid being still.
But then there's the other side of the story... the essential need to work. To stay sane, I have to work and be busy and contribute to the Gross National Product. (which by the way, the GNP's not doing that great lately...) I love the calmness that comes to me while working. Being engaged in something other than my racing thoughts. And there is so much work to be done: employment, responsibilities, church, family, friends, etc... Thank Heaven for work. I need work. I'm happy and content and with all eagerness embrace work; yet tonight, today, right now, it's time to be still. So still I am.
4 comments:
did you take that pic? it's incredible! i love that bee. i'm loving bugs. :) well, the taking of their pictures anyways...
YES!!! Oh boy... not a coincidence that Elder Uchtdorf quoted Pres. Hinckley: "Work will cure your grief. Serve others." Whatever form our particular "grief" takes, work really does help! ;-)
And this month's Ensign had a really neat short article where the author talked about quiet morning times, when our minds are clear. Very, very cool.
Love you!!! :-)
I really like this post and told my sister to read it as she is also having a hard time being "still". I totally identify with the thoughts you shared here.
You are a rockstar!
You are so lovely and good. Life is beautiful, so are you.
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